


To Forgive or Forget

by I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins



Series: Broken Promises Lay in Ashes [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, drabble prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 00:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11680317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins/pseuds/I_Write_Tragedies_Not_Sins
Summary: It's been six years since Mal Shepard died, defending the galaxy from the reapers. Jack visits his memorial and mourns the one man she's been able to love.





	To Forgive or Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the MEFFWG drabble challenge! Can be read as a stand alone, since these are all just one-shots with no overarching long fic.

Jack's fingers brush against the cold metal of the memorial wall. She traces his name, following the swirling letters almost in a daze. It's been six years. Six fucking years and she still hears his voice, like a stupid song stuck in her head that she can't shut off. That she doesn't even want to hear.

She closes her eyes to stop the tears. She promised herself she wasn't going to cry again. The grieving stage is supposed to be over, isn't it? Or at least, that's what the vids say. Then why is this grief still in her heart? Stinging and pounding and aching as if he had just died yesterday?  A ragged scream tears itself from her throat. She can feel herself falling to her knees, but it's as if it's happening to someone else. 

Someone else is sobbing so hard snot rolls down their face. It's someone else tearing at their hair and screaming his name. It's not her. This isn't her, this pain and anger. She's fine, with her students and her career and her fucking expensive therapy sessions. 

Her breath comes in short gasps as she opens her eyes, because it **is** her on the ground, weeping like a fool, and not someone else. "You sonovbitch, you promised you'd come back," she whispers, hand slowly reaching up to touch his name again. "I said I'd never forgive you if you died."

He had promised her so much. Dreams piled ontop of dreams she never thought were meant for her. Who would want to marry a broken, scared little girl turned into a biotic badass? But he had. 

She can still see him. That ridiculous lopsided grin as he got down on one knee. The ring box had been empty, of course. Mal and his stupid games. When she had asked him what the fuck she was supposed to do with an empty box, he had faked confusion, brow crinkled together as if it had been there just a second ago. Then he had looked at her, expression brightening, as he reached behind her ear. "Ah that's where I put it," he had exclaimed.

Jack can still feel the roughness of that ugly sweater he wore that day as she shoved at his chest, caught between laughter and annoyance. "Marry me after this bullshit is done," she had replied. She hadn't wanted to marry him then, with the brink of destruction looming over them. And now it's too late and she's left with nothing but a ring, broken promises, and an urn full of ashes.

She looks down at the plain silver band around her middle finger. Her hand forms a fist beyond her control, and she slams it into the ground. Her biotics release, crunching the concrete, and concerned citizens stare at her in fear.

"It never goes away, does it?" a voice says next to her.

Jack looks up, staring at a turian woman. Her mandibles flicker slightly, but Jack's never been good at reading turian expressions. "What?" she asks.

The turian turns to her. "The anger. My wife died in the war. I don't know if I'll ever forgive her for leaving me behind." She takes a deep breath. "To move on from the grief, we have to forgive them. But I don't know if I can."

Jack looks up at Mal's name once more. She tries to shut out the sound of his voice or the way he smelled after a shower. "I don't want to forgive," she replies. "I want to forget."


End file.
